Those Brothers are going to be the death of me 4:

The other brother was much less crazy, at least at the time.  He was just muscle at a local club I had on the books.  I saw him for the first time when he was accompanying the Manager with my cash payment.  I didn’t pay much attention except for the look in his eyes.  That I remember.  It was not a scary look; no one scares me and lives.  It was just that he had something going on inside his head.  You do not see that look from the muscle, it was unusual.  A few weeks later the manager of the club had an idea about Zombie stripers as a gimmick to increase business.  I went down to check out the idea and I could tell it was really the brother running the idea and making things happen.  I asked that he accompany the manager with payments and I kept an eye on him.  Smart muscle can be a problem if it is not used and directed in the right way.  You don’t want a guy thinking he has the ability to take over.

I gave him focus and noticed how he took to it.  It was truly amazing, he reminded me of me.  He not only was making sure the undead girls were making me money, but he kept the whole place running clean.  The manager was too loose with the girls and staff and had trouble with them making money on the side.  That is bad for my pocket book and gives the place bad press.  I can’t allow anything to bring unwanted attention my way.  I brought the brother in and had a talk with him on the regular managers off day.  As it turns out he was very willing to keep the place running clean, profitable and under the official radar.  Within a few days the old manager stopped coming to work and we had a new manager at the club.  I liked calling him Muscle Boy when he delivered the payment.  He never bothered bringing anyone with him and never asked what happened to the old manager.  Good thing, because when people ask too many questions they visit the pig farm and can find out for themselves what happens when I get disappointed.

Those Brothers are going to be the death of me 3:

I had the payment system all worked out and was set with a steady stream of cash flow for the next 20 years at least, so I thought I would give the older brother a chance at his restaurant idea.  If anything I might get another good idea by keeping him around a while, at least until he crossed the line and had to be removed.  He had a hard time coming up with a meat source that was going to pass the watchful eye of law enforcement.  I am not beyond making these sorts of problems go away, but I didn’t need to.  The brother came up with the idea to use cloned meat.  I already had a hand in the tree cloning of historic trees around the city.  I am not afraid of technology.  I don’t have to know how to use it myself to know where the money is.  I had my guys talk to the upcoming restaurateur and that came up with an easy and profitable meat that would work.  It was a genetically engineered pig farm.   I always liked having a pig farm around in the old days.  It would be nice to have one again.  It is a great way to dispose of fleshy problems from time to time.

That crazy bastard actually came up with recipes for human meat to feed Zombies, and themes to the restaurant.  It was cheap enough so I let him decorate the place the way he wanted.  I don’t know if this was going to make a profit, but it was giving me a chuckle on how insane the whole idea was and restaurants even ones running at a loss are a great way to launder cash.  You simply deposit any excess cash from less than reputable businesses along with the restaurant receipts and bang, you have the money on the books and in a bank ready to invest or transfer.  By the time I was coming to my senses and ready to end the farce, he actually was showing the business in the black.  The crazy bastard was making money feeding Zombies.  Goes to show that a gut feeling can be a good thing to pay attention to and having another business to clean some cash was a good thing to.

Those Brothers are going to be the death of me 2:

It started simply enough and I thought it was funny when I heard they were Brothers.  The older of the two had the craziest idea about making a restaurant to feed the Zombies.  I thought he was crazy but it gave me an idea.  I had a few choice conversations with a few politicians that owned me favors.  Eventually they agreed that someone had to look out for all the ex-citizens that were now undead.  By looking out for them it should mean money in our pockets and show the voters that the politicians cared and were taking care of the situation.  One of my businesses includes computer programmers.  I like the geeks, so easy to keep happy and in control.  Give them unrealistic goals, high speed Internet and all the soda pop they can drink and you can work them to death.  In this case I sold a Zombie control system to the government and had by guys do the analysis and programming.  A few tricks and they came up with a nationwide Zombie tracking system with electronic controls to not only track, but have them paid, taxed, and pay bills.  This became the basis of Zombie Economics on the large scale.  I was getting paid to make the product that was going to make me vast amounts of money.  It is good to be me.

Everyone wanted to use the Zombies as slave labor.  That sounds cool, but it limits the market to using the undead as an owned commodity.  That is not the American way, as least for around 100 years now.  No we like free market economies for making plenty of money.  Supply and demand was the ticket for profit.  No Zombies was born a slave or shall become a slave.  Any services renders much be paid for using my system and with my company getting a small percentage of every transaction at least for the duration of the 20 year contract I had with the feds.  Can you imagine a 20 year contract on a technology based product, incredible how inept politicians can be with our tax money?  Every time I had an excuse to upgrade, the feds would have to pay for all the expenses at cost plus for the next 20 years and I still got my percentage from each transaction.  This Zombies business was great.

Those Brothers are going to be the death of me:

I am in the family business.  The old school family business and no one, I mean no one, gives me any shit.  The Brothers have not crossed any line and they have been very respectful and made me lots of money, but they are driving me crazy.  I know it is a new world with all of this Zombie crap, but I hate it.  I miss the good ol’ days and normal world.  People are actually calling the Big Apple, New Z City, for all of the Zombies and how we use them in everyday business dealings.  What ever happened to us?  In all the old movies you kill the Zombies not get all touchy feely with them.  Disgusting.  If they did not make the family so much money, I would take the boys and go hunting their undead asses.

I admit Zombies are useful, even with the traditional businesses.  A Zombie can stand on the street corner with product all day long and the cops just leave it alone.  It is not like the Zombie is going to give a shit if you arrest it.  It is not on the take and it does not do anything but be a freaking Zombie.  You put your stash on the Zombie, or hell, in the Zombie.  I love how creative the enterprising young street thugs that make me some serious money can be, as long as they keep their freakin’ mouth shut.  One of my guys actually cut a flap and made a compartment to put product in a Zombie.  He reaches in and pulls out what he needs for a deal.  It is horrible and yet so wonderful at the same time.

My Brother Feeds Zombies 10:

I had a rock solid contract for 100% of the logistics business.  It was easy, no one through that it would earn more than 1% in profit and the Investors were willing to give me that part of the business as long as they kept 95% of the Zombie Security business.  That is where the margins were.  I should know; I created it for them.  I was making millions in mileage with all the trucks moving across the country without incident.  It does not take much for a fleet of 100 trucks to burn through 10 million miles.  I had the patents on the truck modifications and my buddies supervised every modification across the country.  They made plenty of money and were very happy.  We did strike down anyone and anything infringing on our patents.  It is just good business.  They can come up with their own idea, not take mine.

It was soon noticed that the majority of revenue was in Logistics not security and the Investors wanted a piece of the pie.  They were not legally entitled to anything but that did not stop them.  They were used to pushing people around.  I thought they would eventually feel that way and had a few well paid friends in town.  Also, I let it be known that any new friends would be well taken care of.  There was a little bit of a fuss, but I found that I had plenty of new friends and the old Investors stopped making trouble.  Not sure what happened to them, but they stopped being a problem for me or anyone else.  Maybe they were a little indigestion for a few Zombies, but not really a problem.  I did make sure that my brother knew not to feed that particular shipment of meat to any of the living.

My Brother Feeds Zombies 9:

The Russians had a modified version of the AK-47 in a 12 gauge shotgun.  Called a Saiga S12. I could get a bunch of them easily, but they needed a little modification to be Zombies approved, by me.  Zombies make great security, if you can keep them in control.  A good ex-soldier Zombie will naturally point a weapon and pull the trigger at anything that moves.  That is really cool, unless you are the thing that is moving.  I needed control.  I had the triggers replaced with oversized electronic switches.  From the outside, they looked like a slightly large trigger, made to easily grab by undead hands.  This was true, but they had an electronic sear disconnect that let me arm the weapons with a kill switch.  I could activate the weapons and when I released a button and all the weapons went live.  Testing was incredible.  100 Zombies with drum magazines loaded with 00 buck.  Thousands of small balls of lead, any one of which could kill a man at 100 yards away, flying at the speed of sound and heading toward anything moving with just the flick of my finger.

I was charging more than double of what people used to pay to move cargo, but it was worth it to them and I made 50 times the profit that the old Logistics companies could get on their best days.  I knew the potential for profit and enemies before I started.  Some people always choose the dark path and I was ready for them.

My Brother Feeds Zombies 8:

I put Zombies to work on the trucks.  It was an intimidating site.  Not because I dressed them up in horrible spiked collars and had bolts driven into their skulls with Roman head dresses made out of hardened steel bolted 2 inches from the skull for that open feeling.  No, I went the other way and dressed them as IBM salesmen.  Whole Men in Black thing going on.  Even the stupid little ear bud with a clear wire going into it.  Like that would matter to Zombies.  But of course salesmen, even the famed IBM salesmen were not going to be that scary unless that had the right weapon.

The famous AK-47 is lightweight and can hold lots of ammo.  Problem is that Zombies can’t shoot.  Everyone knows it, but everyone knows Zombies can pull a trigger and point, there were lots of videos on the Internet showing Zombies soldiers having a hell of a time shooing everything trying to be what they once were.  Usually resulting in flesh flying in all directions from the bullet impacts.  At first I was thinking about giving them the old fashioned double barreled shotgun.  Just point and bang.  Even a Zombie can do that.  But it just doesn’t work with the suit.  They needed a shotgun on the AK-47 platform. 

My Brother Feeds Zombies 7:

It really did not cost that much extra or add much weight to the truck.  The steel skid plates add the weight, but we had the power to handle it.  I felt like MadMax looking at the first production truck out of the garage.  It was awesome.  We put full blown cattle sweepers on the front, like an old fashioned train.  The angle was designed to keep objects away from the run-flat tires with bead lockers.  They were modified run-flats.  I had them filled completely with a soft rubber compound.  They could be fully shot through and still roll 10,000 miles without needing to be changed.  You just can’t pull over and change a tire in the wild and I was pretty sure things could get pretty wild, real quick.

All of the fuel tanks were reinforced and divided into individual fuel cells.  If something did get through the armor, it would not cause more than a few ounces of fuel to leak out.  We could not stop and did not want to add any fuel to a fire, if one broke out.  Of course the security was extreme.  This was actually more cost effective that I through it would be.  Sure setting up all the arms and equipment cost quite a bit, but because it was so intimidating, no one would even give us a second thought.  There were easier ways to die than to mess with one of my convoys.

My Brother Feeds Zombies 6:

The key to freedom was Logistics.  Planning and moving of items and product.  The strip club was thinking small.  I wanted a small and fair piece of the cost for every mile to move product safely.  Typically a trucking company can get a few cents per mile for moving product.  A value added logistics provider can get a few cents more by providing tracking and to the minute planning of routes and product flow.  I was able to provide these standard services and more.  I could provide the security to get the product to the correct location on time and in perfect condition.  All the other logistics providers were out of business or working for me, eventually.  It took a little while but when the walls went up around the cities I saw the vision to make it happen.

A few trucks modified by my good friend to my specifications.  I had worked in the auto customization business for a few years and hit a dead end and moved on to doing tile work.  My earlier wonderings were paying off now.  I know the perfect people to modify large trucks.  The first problem was making sure the trucks had the power to move anything that became an obstacle.  I had a few Macks modified with larger intercoolers on the diesel turbo, better fuel management with Exhaust Gas Temperature monitoring and variable controls on the turbo boost.  Even propane injection and methanol injection systems to automatically boost power and cool the engines under extreme stress.  It would do no good to let the power rip and blow an engine.  That would get you killed, real quick.

My Brother Feeds Zombies 5:

Money is an important tool in business.  It is what business is all about, but there is more, personality.  Not the Hollywood flash and bang personality but the real life down and dirty stab you in the back crap that people do when they get too greedy.  It is amazing how nice someone is when you make them money.   It is wonderful and sharing and beneficial until they make too much.  Then they turn.  A man focusing on his employees makes money, but as soon as the amount grows to a point where he thinks he has made it to the big time, he chances.  He becomes something else, a pariah to the world.  One month he is a hard working guy taking care of his family and his people, then it all changes.  He starts to be afraid of losing the income and reads dumb ass business magazines.  Tries to figure out how to squeeze profit out of the company and puts the screws to the employees, happens every time.  Sometimes it takes years or decades, sometimes much less time than that.  I have worked for enough people to see the pattern and know when it is going to change.

I was making enough money and had enough authority this time to make my own changes.  It helped that the Investors had a reputation of being less than professional at times and had a few thugs on the payroll.  I knew it was going to happen, but I was not going to be the bad guy, at least not until they made me.  Heaven help the bastard that crosses me or mine.  I was more than ready for every little lowlife trick.  My days of sucking it up and changing jobs was over.  This was my world now.

My Brother Feeds Zombies 4:

Keeping the girls cool, properly fed, and cleaned kept them happy and the customers incredibly happy.  A moaning Zombie is a good Zombie.  Stay away from the hissing ones.  Very dangerous.

I had made a good deal for myself and was getting a piece of the business profit.  No one else could manage the Zombies the way I did or had the contacts to keep them healthy.  It was not long before I was managing the entire place and had regular meetings with the Investors.

I always suspected that the Investors were less than reputable businessmen, but I found them quite personable when I finally got to know them.  They liked me as well and listened to my ideas and gave me quite a bit of freedom to create a profit for them and myself.  I could tell from the beginning that it would not last and I took measures to keep the relationship with them, benefitting me.

My Brother Feeds Zombies 3:

Ms. Ohio, as we call her in the club, was not the first stripper to turn so we had a little bit of information to go on.  It became a novelty to have Zombie strippers.  We put a couple on the stage and it was an instant hit.  The club owners and security did not have a clue how to deal with them, but they could see it was money to have them around.  I saw the opening and made a nice little deal for myself.

It is all about the image and perception.  You want the guys to think that the undead strippers are something special and out of reach, but just barely.  You see them and can get close, but have to stay away just a little bit.  The danger aspect was a real draw.  Keeping the girls clean and nice looking was my trick.  I would send them to my brothers Zombie cleaners a few hours before the show started.  I didn’t have time to take them myself but I had my guys trained well and the girls liked it and were easy to manage.  I could send a couple of guys and a limo full of girls and the girls would file out and go through the procedure out of habit.  We fed them at the restaurant as well.  I think it really helped the girls.  They responded well to the place and the whole environment.  I wanted to check it out myself and took Ms. Ohio with me.  My brother had made a nice place.

My Brother Feeds Zombies 2:

I fit in pretty well at the strip club and quickly got a promotion to shift supervisor, what did you expect (rhetorical.)  The other security guys had similar personalities as me, but some had a problem with the girls and the drug scene.  You can’t have strippers and cash around without someone getting into trouble with one, the other or both.  A lot of the girls really were high maintenance.  You could see it in their dilated eyes.  They had lots of cash and always had guys wanting to get them messed up on some chemical or high amounts of alcohol.  Usually these were the gold diggers, getting a lonely but stupid guy to buy them all sorts of stuff or all sorts of drugs.  Just stringing the guy along like an idiot.  Guys will do anything for a nice set of tits.  I had to keep my guys in line and not let them get caught up on the scene.  When I started there was a lot of trouble with prostitution in the back rooms.  The bouncers would act like pimps and arrange the deal and give the girl a sign on what was going to happen and how much in the “private” room.  A lot of people did jail time and even more were fired.  I do not mind what people do on their own time, but I am not going to jail and I am not going to put up with that crap on my watch.

Don’t get the wrong impression.  There are some really nice girls too.  One of the nicest was a tall, well-built girl from Ohio.  Yes it sounds like a cliché; she came to town looking to be an actress and got into the stripping scene when she ran out of money.  She was a really good dancer and person.  I really liked her, but had to keep my distance.  You just do not mix personal and professional in a strip club.  You can get away with a little fun, but it has to always be in control and very limited.  Unfortunately she eventually turned and went undead.  It was slow with her, most of the Zombies turned quite quickly, but she took a few weeks.  I could tell something was wrong but she was healthy and working in a cold environment.  My brother thinks that had something to do with her turning so slow.  The weather had cooled by the time she started to turn, it was cold in the club, and she could not afford much and kept the heat off at her place.  The cold kept her brain from getting too hot.  My brother might be a little crazy and feeding the undead, but he really keeps an eye open like I do.  He has noticed a lot about their behavior and shared the information with me.  I used it to my benefit of course, and added a lot of information I gathered on my own.

My Brother Feeds Zombies:

My Brother actually feeds Zombies.  Can you imagine?  Me on the other hand, I am the head of a national Zombie Security company.  The best in the country, based here in NYC.  I always knew I had it in me to become more and do better.  I drifted around from job to job over the years trying to find what I excelled at.  Of course I as good at everything, but nothing really clicked and I was very board most of the time, that is until the Zombies.  I was not one of those that freak out, never have and never will be.  I keep my cool and keep my eyes open.

When the Zombies started getting infected, I was working at a strip club.  Simple nice place and easy work for someone with the sense to keep his eyes open, his mouth shut and his fly closed.  I kept an eye on the patrons getting drunk and the girls getting tips, so nothing got out of control either way.  The girls were the real problem.  Bouncing guys is easy.  Keep an eye on them, when they start getting a little too rowdy, let them know you are around, but be nice.  Complement the girl they are interacting with.  Offer them a free Coke or something nice, just for them to get a reminder that you are there.  I always like to make sure they have a ride home and are safe.  It never pays to have a customer in jail or so drunk off there ass that they can’t go to work.  If they are not working, they are not making money to spend at the club.  Sometimes we get the ones looking for a fight, but they don’t get it.  We are not that kind of club.  They can go to the country music joint down the street for some good redneck fight-club action.  We keep the customers happy and coming back with cash in our place.

City State too:

I was told that the mutating Zombie virus had spread to pigs.  Because of this, all pork was banned in the country.  I had no way to supply the special meat.  Zombie pigs were reported but I never saw anything like that.  I do know that my meat supply stopped coming a few days before the big pork scare and subsequent banning.  I have not been able to get hold of my suppliers at all and had to go to the Investors.  They supplied meat, but it is really low grade.  The restaurant cannot be maintained as a high class establishment like that and I had to make it Zombie only.  That took a big hunk out of the date night business with the Zombie loving community.  I am not sure what the Investors are sending over and I do my best with it.  It might be Beef or whatever meat they have laying around.  They said to not ask questions or feed the meat to the living.  Not that any living are coming to our place anymore.

The high class Zombies went down hill fast.  It was amazing how bad then got within a week.  All of the clear communication they exhibited stopped within 24 hours without my special meat.  Within a week they were as bad as the roaming Zombies.  It was very bad for business.  Most businesses stopped using Zombie labor because of how unpredictable they were getting.  You could not go outside after dark.  That was when people got aggressive and started to get violent.

The Zombies were acting strange, but the living were just crazy.  Zombie round ups started.  Any Zombie that was not sponsored by an individual or corporation was removed from the city.  I heard that there was an underground forming with Zombies mobsters.  Some group or maybe multiple groups were using Zombies to force people into payoffs and protection money.  There were a few protests, but everyone protesting just stopped.  No trace of them anymore at all.  Even the reporters stopped talking about it.  Things did calm down a bit after the street Zombies were removed from the city.  The problem was all the refugees from the south.  Now that we had the wall and security around the city, no new people or Zombies were allowed in.  The officials ended up putting the suspicious Zombies out with the refugees camping around the walls and tunnel entrances.  They must not have liked the situation, because they left quickly.  They did not even take their stuff.  All that could be seen when you looked over the wall was Zombies roaming and old tents and camping equipment.

The TV was reporting that the big cities were all becoming independent, since the feds could no longer control the highways between towns.   Commerce was still taking place, by Zombie reinforced security teams on contract.  They had large off-road vehicles with tank tracks that could go through almost anything or over anything.  I think I even saw my brother on one.  His place had closed and I was not able to get hold of him, but I am sure it was him on one of the big trucks surrounded by Zombie Security.

The cleaning business was paying the bills and the restaurant was nasty but functional.  The Investors would not let me close it down.  I really didn’t want to run the place if I could not do it well.  At least the Dry Cleaners and Hostel were rewarding.  It was nice to clean up the town a little.

Ever smell a Zombie Fart?  It was not so bad when I had a good product, but lately it has been horrible.  Rotting meat really does not agree with the digestive system of a Zombie.  I can see them bubbling in the Dry Cleaning fluid.  It is as if they are rotting on the inside.  At least it smells that way.   I sure hope this panic settles down and things can get back to normal. Maybe some Human Beef hybrid meat will be able to be made soon.  Or Buffalo Human, nice a lean with a smoky flavor.

I worked out a way to keep the Zombie Farts from being so bad.  It was a simple charcoal filter in a small tube that could be inserted in the anus of the undead.  I had a few buyers but no one really wanted to deal with the trouble of bending a Zombie over and inserting the device.  My brother did show up and buy the entire inventory I had available.  He was doing really well and had some extra funds to spend in an effort to keep his Zombie staff from stinking up the place so bad.  I was able to talk him into a contract at the Dry Cleaners and we saw a lot more of each other after that.  He had used his skills with the Zombie Security to get a management job with the delivery companies.  He was a big shot in the Zombie Security world now.

City State:

Things have gotten worse in the last year.  NYC has put up a big wall around the land areas, and secured the bridges and tunnels.  It looks like the old movie “Escape from New York.”  I have been so busy with all the franchises going up I did not notice all of the changes, then all of a sudden it hit me.  Man things have changed.

All of the big cities are putting up walls and physically securing the borders.  Apparently the southern cities have really lost control of their Zombies population.  Either they did not follow the rules or something has change with the nature of the undead in the south.  In NYC I have noticed a few changes.  The familiar and even friendly undead seem focused now.  They look and react to movement, jittery; it is creepy and puts you on guard when you are around them, like they might snap at any moment.  For instance, Pink Bunny/Abe Lincoln Zombie comes around and he is looking pretty bad.  He smells horrible and has lost his hat.  His suite is still identifiable but thin and shredded in spots.  I tried to run him through the cleaners and found rat parts in his pockets.  If I didn’t know better I would say he is hunting them.   Not sure what has happened to him, he was so easy going.  After a bit of agitation he got very bitey and I just let him go.  Also, I saw Cat Lady Zombie and she was all alone.  I guess her cats found better places to be.  She did have a basket full of fur; maybe some of them died or could not get enough food.   I did not think the fish were bait the last time I saw her, but now I am wondering.  It makes me sad to think about what they have gone through, but on the other hand the high class Zombies are doing really well.  I have quite a few regulars and they are kept cool and indoors at all times.  I can really tell a difference now between them and the roaming Zombies.  The well to do undead are beginning to look better.  The skin has a almost healthy appearance, if anything undead can truly look healthy.  We have a few that clearly indicate what they want to order.  It is not words necessarily, but clear communication and you get to understand them when you see and hear them every day.   I really think my generically engineered meat was helping them.  Too bad it was taken away.

Love:

Love is an interesting thing.  The undead like hanging around familiar places.  It is love?  Maybe, maybe just a pattern in what is left of the brain that is familiar and comforting, because the home bound Zombies seem calmer than the free roaming ones.  There have been no reports of the virus jumping species but animals do know there former owners.  You even see Zombies walking dogs from time to time.  It makes sense too.  If the Zombies mostly wander around, they might as well be productive and walk a few dogs at the same time.  Getting the undead to pick up their own droppings is tough enough, but picking up dog droppings is really pushing it.

I have seen dogs following their undead owners for miles all around the daily wonderings.  I even saw what I can assume was formerly a Cat Lady wondering around with a hoard of cats.  Of course she was covered in rotten fish.  She must have gotten into a trash can at the fishing pier. I choose to assume that was to feed her cats and a feeling of undead responsibility and not as a way to acquire bait for a tasty cat snack later in the evening.  Cats are smart, maybe they plan on having a tasty Zombie snack.  You never know.

The nature of love is a funny thing.  Is it a familiarity grown over time?  A passion of the moment?  The lack up disgust, maybe the perfection of disgust?  The undead have lots going for them but love?  Can they love?  I have seen people that truly care for them, I believe that they used to love the person that was, but do they love the thing that is?  I’ll have to ask my brother about this, well maybe not.  I do not want to know the details and I am sure he would tell me everything.  Too much information.

Things were going well, even with the franchises.  The Investors really know how to make a profit and had the market cornered on Zombie services in the city and soon to be the world if you believe what they are saying.  I tend to be a little pessimistic about such large plans, but I would never let them know.  The Zombie Security Service was going very well too.  The body guards turned out to be very loyal.  The President even had a few in the Secret Service.  Zombies do not mind taking a bullet, they hardly even notice and they will follow anyone that feeds them and keep others from touching them.  It is kind of nice to see a loyal Zombie following his boss like a puppy dog.  It has become all the fashion in Hollywood to have Zombies on your security team.

The Zombie Strip clubs still seem less than cool to me, but my brother seems happy and they have lots of business.  He is a bouncer at the biggest club and manages a team of Zombie guards.  I gave him a few tips on what I had observed with Zombie behavior and the results of my help with the security company.   He used the knowledge to get his club to invest in a few Zombie guards for the ladies and he seems happy.  It turned out well for him; quickly going to head of security.  Of course a little luck had something to do with it.  Mysteriously the people with more seniority quit or just were not heard from again.  I guess that is typical in the industry.  The Zombie Bouncers are amazing.  He has them whistle trained.  With a signal and nod he can direct them to anyone causing trouble, or instantly call them back to him and their posts.  It is amazing to watch, and much better entertainment than the dancers, at least most of the dancers.  He really keeps control, when he is not drinking.

I have not had the chance to see my brother much these days.  I have been so busy with work.  The last time I did talk to him he told me that some medical doctors were working with the Zombie Virus, trying to isolate the properties that keep the undead, living.  Sounds like a horrible and dangerous idea to me, but live and let live.  As long as they are careful, what is the worse than could happen?

TV can give you bad ideas too:

Several TV shows popped up based on the Zombies.  Zombie Dance Party only lasted a few episodes.  It was my favorite Zombie show by far.  The undead would line dance to Bluegrass music and Black Sabbath tunes.  Truly a classic show with appeal to a wide variety of people.  MTV made a spin off network called ZTV.  The programming was mostly reruns of a Zombie reality show, “My Zombie Big Brother.”  It was a bunch of people bitching about the Zombies in the house leaving the bathroom dirty or stinking or not doing their share of the cleaning.  It was really stupid and didn’t even have an older sibling in the show at all.

Fans of the TV show Sons of Anarchy really were motivated to setup Zombie Motorcycle Riders.  They had the idea of some truly bad ass undead bikers.  Sure there were Zombie Bikers running around, well sashaying around in a really bad ass way, but riding a motorcycle.  I just do not get what some people are thinking.  Maybe the Zombie virus was more wide spread than people through, but instead of a full blown infection it just made people dumb asses.  Or they simply could have always been that way.

Zombies do not like Clutches and the Friction Zone is nonexistent.  There were some awesomely funny YouTube videos with Zombies trying to ride motorcycles like they did when they were living.  Wheelies were common.  A big Harley Davidson chopper and a Zombie revving the engine look and great till the Zombie lets go of the clutch.  Black smoke and the sound of burning rubber with the front wheel climbing steadily higher and higher toward heaven as the bike goes zooming off into the distance.  Beautiful until the final and inevitable pull of gravity as the front goes too high and returns to the earth behind and on top of the rider.  The results were a black and red lither of leather and Zombie flesh skidding to a stop as 800 pounds of bike press the undead rider down into the pavement.   Only a very few could do better and even then it was on Vespa Scooters.  A fully leathered up Zombie on a pink Vespa scooter is an awesome sight to behold, but the SOA fans did not think so and gave up on the idea.

Many TV ads used the Zombies as highlights and attention getters.  One promotion was the Punch a Zombie night at the Sizzler.  Everyone could have guessed that it was going to turn ugly, but no one could have guessed that it was going to be ugly for the rednecks trying to punch the Zombie.  Not that the idea of punching a poor Zombie was not ugly enough but apparently the Zombie used to be a professional UFC fighter and instinct kicked in.  After taking a few punches he punched back in perfect form.   A circle of drunken rednecks had no chance at all.  Not only did he beat the crap out of them, he then dropped his boxers and hiked up a leg.  It turned out to be “Get Urinated on by a Zombie night at the Sizzler.”

Bob Zombie’s Legal Services was very popular.  “Do you have a Zombie spouse?  Are they hanging around and creeping out the kids, I can help.  Call Bob Zombie.  I am the Zombie that is on your side. (Bob is not really a Zombie was printed at the bottom of the screen)  Need the old lady to leave you alone so you can get on with your life.  It is okay, I have a team of expert Zombie wranglers to take care of the problems.  We get the necessary legal paperwork for a Zombie restraining order, remove the Zombie using our patented humane undead methods, and even help out with our professional consolers.  We cover all aspects of the undead removal to get your life back on track.”

Undead walking services:  You can get a Zombie to walk your dog, or get the living to walk your undead.  “You need a healthy and fit undead Zombie!  Don’t they deserve it?”

Franchise:

There were over 8 million people in the city.  Even with the low infection rate, we still had over 160 thousand undead walking the streets.  My little place was becoming very profitable and my investors very happy, but that is always when things start to go downhill.  I enjoy working with the customers and I get my ideas from first-hand knowledge and seeing what is going on in the world, real time.  My investors saw the good thing I had going and wanted to expand to cover the entire Zombie market before someone else did.  A few people tried to start their own Zombie Hostel but our lawyers and a few “accidents” quickly got rid of the competition.  They should have hired a good Zombie Security firm to protect their interest, like the one I helped my investors create.  For the Zombie, by the Zombie and even partially staffed by Zombies.  My first–hand knowledge of Zombie behavior made it easy to create procedures to herding and controlling Zombies.  Being able to move them in groups without the groups getting out of control and becoming a flesh eating hoard was our specialty.  My investors already had the marketing strategy and were selling “protection” long before the Zombie infection, just now it was considered mostly legitimate.  I love business opportunity.

My place could easily feed and house 200 Zombies a night and clean 2000 a day.  We were at 90% capacity and had not advertised or tried to hire Zombie Pied Pipers.  Yes some people claimed to have the ability to get Zombies to dance, follow, and disperse through various methods.  They made out like it was a magic power, but I think it is just people doing the obvious and trying to make a buck.  That is fine as long as it is me and I am not paying someone else to do what I am perfectly capable of doing myself. 

Many Zombies were being taken care of by their families.  It became a big deal to tell your friends about how poor Uncle Fred was found on the street and how you helped him by taking him in.  Of course people really wanted the slave labor.  The Feds did not care about paying family members and people liked the free yard work, cleaning and babysitting the undead were capable of.  But even with the family’s eating into my Hostel and restaurant profits, they saw the value in a cleaning service and would bring the undead in for a good cleaning at least once a week.

We projected the need for up to 80 combination Restaurant/ Hostel and Dry Cleaning establishments catering to the Zombie population, just in the city.  My investors had offices in every major city in the world.  This was going to be huge.

My investors liked using the Zombie labor for their trash collecting business.  One wise guy could wrangle a dozen Zombies with only a weeks worth of training.  I don’t know why the investors called them wise guys, most people could have learned all the tricks in a day, but go figure.  The streets of the city were clean, bitings were down, Zombies were healthy and the profits rolling in.  I should have seen the problems coming.

The unrest in Florida was growing and spreading.  Atlanta as well as Tallahassee was hot and Zombies were having problem with the locals.  From Little Rock, Wichita and even as far north as Columbus the Zombies had been managed badly and there was devastating consequences.  Celebrities were putting out TV spots for people to report Zombie problems and let the police handle them.  Bill Murray was particularly a friend to the Zombie and had a reality show dressed up as a Zombie and socializing with them.

It took about a month of working with the Process Systems Engineers my investors sent down to create a Franchise handbook.  They focused on the design, operation, control, and optimization of chemical, physical, and biological processes.  I thought I had read up on the world until I met these guys.  There were not big on new ideas, but they could run with an existing concept and really squeeze every dime out of it.  It was amazing.  I did not much like them trying to tell me how to run my business, but we have to get along.  I had managers doing most of the daily work now anyway.  Let them deal with it.  I was becoming a big wig, at least I thought so.  I really should have had a good lawyer, if such a thing even exists.

You know you are in trouble when you are thinking about making your Zombie businesses ISO 9002 compliant and taking the idea international.  You can document good Zombie practice, but you still need good common sense.  The Engineers did not get that aspect of the business.

Hostel Situation:

Zombies do not need to sleep, but they do tend to slow down in the cold.  The homeless shelters were not taking in Zombies so they would have room for the living, but I smelled profit to be had.  Zombies look like crap if they freeze.  The damage to the skin is really gross.  If you want to keep your Zombie looking good, make sure they go to my Zombie Hostel.  The government had already approved Zombies for automatic payment for food, shelter and cleaning.  So I had a good thing going already with the Dry Cleaners and Restaurant.  Now I just needed a cost effective way to keep the undead preserved from the freezing temperatures.  Zombies do not like to lie down and the first attempt to give them cots was a bad idea.  I had to find some method of individual accommodation or I could get in trouble with the feds.  The rules did not allow for just stuffing as many of them in a room as possible.  I had a few closets made, nice and cozy with strong walls for leaning.  Zombies like to lean.  Low classical music and a cool, but above freezing environment was the trick to success.  I could make closets with open tops and walking grates for easy herding by my Zombie Wranglers.  After a week of construction work we had a working Hostel and more “rooms” being built all the time.  I was able to convert the cheap lofts above my businesses into the famous NYC Zombie Hostel.  The undead were graciously guided from their meal to the Hostel at the end of each evening meal.  We used the RFID tag information to make sure there were out the door early enough each morning to make it to their place of employment.  Several employers would send vans around to pick them up each day and drop them off in the evening.   Most Zombies wondered in a pattern during the day and once they were used to going to work, they naturally wondered that way each day and back again.

Around Easter I saw my Ralphie Zombie buddy again.  After 4 months, the Pink Zombie Bunny looked more like the bunny suit from Donnie Darko.  Score again!  I tried running him through the cleaners but the nylon suite melted off.  It took a little bit of effort and sewing, but in the end he made my best Lincoln, the tallest and lankiest.  The remains of the hood on the chemically melted bunny suite even made it look like he had a beard.  Too cool.

Last week people were talking about some radical faction preparing for Zombie attacks.  I thought that kind of talk was over, but I guess some people cannot let things rest.

Menu:

I can share one of my favorite recipes.  We keep a batch on hand for the human guests we have, and for ourselves with we get over the nausea and feel like eating.  Regular Pork or Chicken will work fine.  For the most part Humans do not eat our special meat, but it is the only place in town to try some, if you are the adventurous sort or coming into town on a U.N. visit and are part of a cannibal tribe.  We take great pride in our recipes and many Cannibals have said we taste just like home made.  You will not get that kind of endorsement any place else!

Meat:

3-4lb cleaned and trimmed

Sauce:

1T                   Peanut Oil or EVOO

1C                  Ketchup

12oz             Chili Sauce

1/2C             Brown Sugar

1/4C             Balsamic Vinegar

2t                   Onion Powder

1t                   Garlic Powder

1t                   Chili Powder

2T                   Worcestershire Sauce

1t                   Salt

1t                   Pepper

1t                   Tobasco Sauce

1/2t              Liquid Smoke

1t                   Chipotle Powder

Combine Sauce ingredients in a 4qt slow cooker, and trimmed and cleaned meat and stir.  Cook on High for 4-5 hours or low for 7-8 hours.  Stir well after cooking to break apart meat.  Let cook for an additional 30 minutes.

Serve on 12 Kaiser Rolls.

Sometimes people take the Zombies for granted and get too familiar.  In our business we have our regulars and give them cool nick names.  Johnny Two Toes, Mary Middle Finger (it is the only finger she has), Marty Monkey Spanker, No Nose, Bob Big Ears, and so forth.  If we called out their name you would not have any trouble identifying them.  Even so, be careful, even the nicest Zombie can get an infection of the brain and go nuts really fast.  Some other industries have popped up since people have gotten so used to them.  Cleaning services for and by the undead, Zombie Lawn Maintenance, Undead high school guidance counselors, many new ministries preaching to the undead.  And naturally the more base services like the street corner undead.  You have really seen something special when you see a guy trying to pick up an undead street walker and fail.  They have standards and do not want anyone that would have them.  I respect that somehow.

Some people have too much time on their hands and the undead is an easy target for the unsavory people in our society.  Some people think it is really fun to dress a Zombie up as your favorite character from a book, TV, movie, whatever.  For instance, I got the idea that it would be nice to have a 7 foot tall Zombie dressed up in Ralphie’s pink bunny suit from A Christmas Story.  Happy Holidays!  It is best to do it on a really cold night, almost freezing, maybe a little frost.  You want them moving really slowly.  Other people are not so festive, but there is a certain amount of creativity.  There is something that really gets to my funny bone when I see a Zombie dressed in character.  The Undead Hasidic Jew dressed in an overly large festival sombrero and sequined poncho was a particular favorite of mine.  The Sombrero had a small solar cell and music player hidden on top that played La Cucaracha for weeks.  I didn’t have anything to do with that one; at least that anyone will be able to prove.  Apparently the Jewish community did not think it was funny. 

Zombie Maintenance too:

It was easy to purchase the out of business dry cleaners next to the restaurant; it even came with all the permits to conduct business in the city and waste disposal.  I really liked this idea; it was providing a community service by removing Zombie stink and very good profit potential.  The dry cleaning shop had washing machines, but we did not want to have to touch the Zombies.  Once we got them in the door we wanted a quick and easy procedure, like the TV clip from the 50s.  I had a pit installed about 7 feet deep with a set of steps on each end.  A drop grate at the far end to catch and recycle any fluid that was dripping from the undead as they left the facility.  Now you would think that a 7 foot deep tank would be a problem, but the undead and undead.  No need to breath for short periods of time.  We had attendants watch from above with poles with cups on the end, so we could poor fluid over the top hot wearing and extra tall Zombie.  You would not believe the number of people that think Zombie Lincoln is funny.  I must have made 4 or 5 of them myself.  I had a small door installed between the buildings so we could have the clean Zombies enter the restaurant without going back outside.  This turned into an awesome idea.  No stink in the restaurant and we picked up even more business from the living.  My brother even had a nice meal with his girlfriend to test out the system and make sure it was working properly.

One of the most important parts of Zombie maintenance is the type of food.  They love raw meat, it helps there systems function by providing necessary chemicals for their bodies to move and function.  But raw meat will make them aggressive.  It is best to slightly cook any meat to temper the absorption of the necessary chemicals.  When they get raw meat it goes into their systems too fast and burns off too fast, causing a need for more and more.  At my restaurant we have the perfect balance of the necessary chemicals and the right absorption rates.  We truly are the best at providing for your Zombie and Zombie friends.  Please send them our way and you will not be disappointed in the results.

We try to use Zombies as servers as much as possible.  Every now and then they try to eat the product meant for the customer, but for the most part they work well.  When a human has to deal with the Zombie feeding we have implemented a few safeguards to prevent problems and keep our insurance rates down.  Steel mesh shark proof gloves are really nice.  You dip them in a rubber coating so the surface has a little grip and provides some protection from heat.  We use these to move hot dished around the Zombie waiting staff and customers, just in case.  We might not get infected from a bite, but we really would like to keep all of our body parts as long as possible.  When you are between them and their food, do not take chances.

Zombie Maintenance:

The Zombie bacteria/virus was pretty nasty.  Some very powerful people had gotten infected and they had plenty of money to try to find a cure, but it didn’t help.  This was way out of the league of anything we had faced before.  The infection could pick up genetic code from anything that if was exposed to.  The Rhabdoviridae family of viruses was the worst for being absorbed.  Deceases like Rabies started to show up in the Zombies.  This was really bad.  When the brains get hot or infected the Zombies get much more aggressive.  Up in NYC was not so bad.  We had very few animals to that had Rabies and only a few weeks of hot weather, typically.  In the south I heard it was much worse and Georgia and Florida had quite a time with their Zombies especially in Tallahassee.

Keep your Zombies as cool as possible.  They should not be allowed to freeze, but they like the cold.  If they do freeze, warm them slowly to prevent as much cell damage as possible.  They will look funny with freezer burn.  They work best when underground and kept cool.  Most chemicals do not bother them, they rarely breathe.   They work extremely well in areas with high CO2 concentrations and other pollutants, but caustic chemicals can burn off what is left of their skin.  Many Zombies can function at reasonably high levels if they are well maintained.  There have been many reports of people put into cold storage on the first signs of infection.  Once a Zombie they still show signs of recognizing family and friends and show a generally gentle and compliant attitude.  Do not let Zombies gather into large hordes.  They become agitated and difficult to handle.  They will naturally hoard together if not watched over.

Zombie stink can get pretty bad.  My brother was complaining about the stink of his live-in Zombie stripper girlfriend (you do not want to know) and I remembered a TV show about the 50s and people were walking through large vats of carbon tetrachloride to dry clean their clothes.  Of course we found out the chemicals of the time were highly toxic and people do not walk through vats of toxic corrosive chemicals anymore; at least living people do not.  With a little research I found that carbon tetrachloride was banned in the 1980s because of concerns over the environment and it was accused of destroying the ozone layer.  I am not sure how a chemical much heavier than air is supposed to get 60,000 feet up to reach the ozone, but I am not going to argue the point.  These days dipropylene glycol tertiary-butyl ether is used to be friendly to the environment and not cause horrible flaming accidents.  I guess that is good, we would not want flammable, yet clean, Zombies walking around town.