I can share one of my favorite recipes. We keep a batch on hand for the human guests we have, and for ourselves with we get over the nausea and feel like eating. Regular Pork or Chicken will work fine. For the most part Humans do not eat our special meat, but it is the only place in town to try some, if you are the adventurous sort or coming into town on a U.N. visit and are part of a cannibal tribe. We take great pride in our recipes and many Cannibals have said we taste just like home made. You will not get that kind of endorsement any place else!
Meat:
3-4lb cleaned and trimmed
Sauce:
1T Peanut Oil or EVOO
1C Ketchup
12oz Chili Sauce
1/2C Brown Sugar
1/4C Balsamic Vinegar
2t Onion Powder
1t Garlic Powder
1t Chili Powder
2T Worcestershire Sauce
1t Salt
1t Pepper
1t Tobasco Sauce
1/2t Liquid Smoke
1t Chipotle Powder
Combine Sauce ingredients in a 4qt slow cooker, and trimmed and cleaned meat and stir. Cook on High for 4-5 hours or low for 7-8 hours. Stir well after cooking to break apart meat. Let cook for an additional 30 minutes.
Serve on 12 Kaiser Rolls.
Sometimes people take the Zombies for granted and get too familiar. In our business we have our regulars and give them cool nick names. Johnny Two Toes, Mary Middle Finger (it is the only finger she has), Marty Monkey Spanker, No Nose, Bob Big Ears, and so forth. If we called out their name you would not have any trouble identifying them. Even so, be careful, even the nicest Zombie can get an infection of the brain and go nuts really fast. Some other industries have popped up since people have gotten so used to them. Cleaning services for and by the undead, Zombie Lawn Maintenance, Undead high school guidance counselors, many new ministries preaching to the undead. And naturally the more base services like the street corner undead. You have really seen something special when you see a guy trying to pick up an undead street walker and fail. They have standards and do not want anyone that would have them. I respect that somehow.
Some people have too much time on their hands and the undead is an easy target for the unsavory people in our society. Some people think it is really fun to dress a Zombie up as your favorite character from a book, TV, movie, whatever. For instance, I got the idea that it would be nice to have a 7 foot tall Zombie dressed up in Ralphie’s pink bunny suit from A Christmas Story. Happy Holidays! It is best to do it on a really cold night, almost freezing, maybe a little frost. You want them moving really slowly. Other people are not so festive, but there is a certain amount of creativity. There is something that really gets to my funny bone when I see a Zombie dressed in character. The Undead Hasidic Jew dressed in an overly large festival sombrero and sequined poncho was a particular favorite of mine. The Sombrero had a small solar cell and music player hidden on top that played La Cucaracha for weeks. I didn’t have anything to do with that one; at least that anyone will be able to prove. Apparently the Jewish community did not think it was funny.
