It was easy to purchase the out of business dry cleaners next to the restaurant; it even came with all the permits to conduct business in the city and waste disposal. I really liked this idea; it was providing a community service by removing Zombie stink and very good profit potential. The dry cleaning shop had washing machines, but we did not want to have to touch the Zombies. Once we got them in the door we wanted a quick and easy procedure, like the TV clip from the 50s. I had a pit installed about 7 feet deep with a set of steps on each end. A drop grate at the far end to catch and recycle any fluid that was dripping from the undead as they left the facility. Now you would think that a 7 foot deep tank would be a problem, but the undead and undead. No need to breath for short periods of time. We had attendants watch from above with poles with cups on the end, so we could poor fluid over the top hot wearing and extra tall Zombie. You would not believe the number of people that think Zombie Lincoln is funny. I must have made 4 or 5 of them myself. I had a small door installed between the buildings so we could have the clean Zombies enter the restaurant without going back outside. This turned into an awesome idea. No stink in the restaurant and we picked up even more business from the living. My brother even had a nice meal with his girlfriend to test out the system and make sure it was working properly.
One of the most important parts of Zombie maintenance is the type of food. They love raw meat, it helps there systems function by providing necessary chemicals for their bodies to move and function. But raw meat will make them aggressive. It is best to slightly cook any meat to temper the absorption of the necessary chemicals. When they get raw meat it goes into their systems too fast and burns off too fast, causing a need for more and more. At my restaurant we have the perfect balance of the necessary chemicals and the right absorption rates. We truly are the best at providing for your Zombie and Zombie friends. Please send them our way and you will not be disappointed in the results.
We try to use Zombies as servers as much as possible. Every now and then they try to eat the product meant for the customer, but for the most part they work well. When a human has to deal with the Zombie feeding we have implemented a few safeguards to prevent problems and keep our insurance rates down. Steel mesh shark proof gloves are really nice. You dip them in a rubber coating so the surface has a little grip and provides some protection from heat. We use these to move hot dished around the Zombie waiting staff and customers, just in case. We might not get infected from a bite, but we really would like to keep all of our body parts as long as possible. When you are between them and their food, do not take chances.
